I, Robot (2004)

Welcome to a world where humans and robots live together. The year is 2035, and robots have become a part of our everyday lives. They are programmed with the three laws, which have been a standard for robotic psyche. However, one cop has brutal distrust towards robots and has been mocked by many for treating them this way. His name is Detective Spooner (Will Smith) and he lives in a apartment that is basically inclined to the early 21st century.
A side note: The Terminator was set in 1984. This movie shows how the future would have appeared if Skynet were obliterated from existence. 

This movie is loosely based on a short story of the same name. It retains a few of the characters from the book, but the story itself is more original and has little to nothing to do with the short stories themselves.

Dr. Lanning has been found dead, said to have committed suicide. Dr. Lamming pioneered a new design for a robot NC-5 which looks more human than its predecessor. The detective investigates this and assumes that he could not have been capable of this act, seeing how surveillance data has been corrupted and the glass panels were designed to withstand large forces. Spooner works alongside Dr. Calvin (Bridget Moynahan), and they both find something they least expected in a room where the doors were sealed shut.

Calvin is a type of scientist that throws a large chunk of exposition in words that typically Will Smith has trouble trying to interpret. She thinks that big words are easier for her than simpler ones. She talks like a robot herself, feels for one seeing how she flinches at any threat dealt towards a robot, and affiliates herself with one.

Speaking of simple, this plot dwells on searching for answers to why Lanning killed himself. That answer seems so vague that I have no choice but to just accept it. In addition, Spooner has to follow the path in a manner as stated in a children's story book, Hansel & Gretel: follow a trail of breadcrumbs. A series of clues are laid out right from the laboratory where Lanning left the book.

So that robot is named Sonny (voiced by Alan Tudyk). He has been programmed with human emotions. He is just one of the thousands of NC-5 models ready for distribution. He has dreams, " can turn a canvass into a beautiful masterpiece", and show emotions towards any accusation that Spooner throws at him. But can he lie as well as tell the truth? Listening to his dialogue can boil it all down.

So why does Spooner resent robots? His past experience illustrates that robots are incapable of prioritizing human life. One twelve-year-old girl was drowning but still struggling, while Spooner was in a situation where he could still breath and needed a robot to save the preteen. It was suggested that the robot chose Spooner over the girl because Spooner had a higher chance of survival than the girl, even if phyiscal evaluation would have been a course of action that would have saved her life. Instead it resorts to mathematical evaluation, which does have Spooner distrust the robots' compliance to the three laws: it can be assessed that the robot actually broke the first and second law, which then has Spooner doubt reliance on such machines.

If you love to see how a world would look if robots lived among us, this is your movie. If you also like to see what would happen if they turned against us disobeying the three laws, this is one sci-fi action film is just for you. Do watch out for various product placements that are just being advertised in this movie so openly that this film was more intent of being turned into a series of adverts instead of a film based on a written material that so many have little to no knowledge about. With this littered in the film, we have to watch Spooner suffer from various malfunctions in one machine to another and end up calling himself a "malfunction magnet." 

I Am Legend (2007)

For movies whose themes center on apocalypse and epidemics, some people would think of cliches and tired formulas. However, there are different strains of diseases and the means of transmission that determine how quickly they spread. It could decimate a population within at least a month, or at least a year. It could decimate a population nationwide or worldwide, and a handful of survivors are left to fend for themselves, and/or find a solution to the crisis at hand. For some people living alone, it is a never-ending nightmare; for others it can be manageable.

In this film, a measles virus has been bio-engineered to attack cancer cells. It is the case where scientists have achieved a breakthrough against the dreaded disease of the western world. Unfortunately, it turns out that the cancer killers have a side effect: they mutate their host into vampire-like monsters called "darkseekers", which are prone to daylight and attack in droves.

Dr. Robert Neville (Will Smith) is a lone survivor (though is still accompanied by his dog, Samantha). He is the only human left on the planet who is immune to the virus, and so is his pet dog. The degree of immunity varies between the two: Neville is immune to both airborne dispersion and a contagious bite; Samantha is immune to airborne transmission, but not to the bite. The doctor has spent countless hours trying to synthesize a vaccine with his blood, only for the progress to be slow and cumbersome. In the meantime, he and his canine companion fend for themselves in their fortified apartment, day and night.

This film does not actually follow a sequence of events from the past through three years to the present; from the day the virus has been pioneered and hailed as a breakthrough, to the night all hell breaks loose. The events are set as flashbacks for a guy who has been tortured by the loss of his wife and daughter who were caught in the mayhem after passing through security checkpoints. It is tough for one to be left alone in a world where nobody contacts any other survivor. It is cruel for someone to live on and not die with his loved ones so that he wouldn't have to live perpetually alone.

Most horror flicks of this theme would implement make-up and prosthesis to create realistic effects of diseases. This movie does not: instead it implements C.G.I. on the darkseekers, the deer and the lions. Many instances of this result in the rubbery nature of the figures. It can be hard to think that these things exist, and it would be often disengaging to take these creations seriously. However, the C.G.I. and digital alterations have been implemented to give the city of New York a look of an aftermath, abandoned after three years. It is typical of a city that has been neglected for this long, with cracks in buildings, overgrown weeds, rusting metals, perpetual blackout and dry pipes. In a city rundown to this state, it is a struggle to survive.

This movie goes a mile in illustrating a situation where mankind's long absence has led to the emergence of animal that would normally be confined in zoos or the forests. In a deserted city, deer roam free and lions abound, even if there is a possibility of other carnivores competing for food. They are not shown, possibly due to the higher chances of them killing off the main character. It is nice to see that animals thrive in an apocalypse where humans and even dogs are infected, but strangely enough the deer and lions (along with various unseen animals) are not infected. This is not much of an inconsistency since darkseekers confine themselves to the city; they are unlikely to have migrated elsewhere and infected other animals.

It must be a struggle to live alone. Will Smith plays a character who tries all he can to adapt, by keeping mannequins as human companions. He does it with an impression that he still has a high spirit. No matter the situation, he can still have all the food, petrol, water, clothes, and even a generator available to survive until somebody responds to his frequent broadcasts. This movie probably has a sparse plot, but when we ask what the world would resemble once humanity is wiped out, this movie demonstrates the case scenario.

Superman Returns (2006)

It is unusual for a movie in a particular franchise to continue from where the last movie stopped after 19 years, only for it to continue from the second installment and ignore events from the very last prior to hiatus. Superman Returns is the movie in question that continues from where Superman II (1980) but ignores Superman III (1983) and Superman IV: The Quest For Peace (1987). This movie was released in 2006, the same year as X-Men: The Last Stand, a movie that should have been directed by Bryan Singer who forwent the Marvel movie to direct this DC movie.

The decision to shoot this movie and cause a rift in continuity is something that has utterly left a sour taste in the mouths of movie goers and comic book fans. It is not an excuse that the fourth and final installment that killed the franchise for almost twenty years, is worthy of being ignored along its predecessor. It would have been better to reboot the franchise than produce a sequel after this long gap. That is how the Batman franchise was rejuvenated. The movie Batman Begins, released in 2005, went back to its roots in order to fix the damage left by Schumacher. That film succeeded critically and financially and it spawned two more successful sequels. Yet Bryan Singer did not bother to learn the lesson and do something right.

So the prologue states the premise of the movie. After that, the opening credits are designed to emulate the theme of the comic book superhero, accompanied with the thematic score. The background comprises of a series of planets, which I have already seen in Men In Black II (2002) and Fantastic 4: Rise Of The Silver Surfer (2007). In those movies those planets were being obliterated; here none has been. I guess that it only rips off those movies for the sake of visuals, even though that proved pointless. (For a special piece, the latter ripped off the former, even though this is probably cliched.) But I digress. Then we open up with a scene in Lex Luther's home. I wouldn't even care what goes on here, so I'm moving on. 

Superman has been away for five years. He returns home and tries to continue with his ordinary life as Clark Kent. He later finds out that the whole world has moved on without Superman. So does this mean that the whole world no longer needs him? I believe the real question is: has the whole world moved on from the Superman franchise? My answer would be "yes". Anyone who has not grown up with this film will have no idea about the characters in this film. The whole sequence of events will be just a vapor in the eyes of the audience. For anyone who has grown up with the doomed franchise, nobody would want to look back to the failure of the last movie. What is it with sequels that measure up to this trend? A change in actor leads to a change in personality, so you can't really bond with anybody in this movie including the titular character. Christopher Reeves was the iconic Superman/Clark Kent, both of which are now played by Brandon Routh. Gene Hackman was Superman's arch-nemesis, Lex Luthor, who is now played by Kevin Spacey.

 How is it a man has been able to disappear from the Earth for five years and think he could ever have his old life again? The should have no chance with the Daily Planet, but does when somebody coincidentally passes on leaving a spot for him. It is beyond belief that he just has this chance again, whether he reigned or just disappeared automatically prompting dismissal. And for that matter, how can nobody link Clark's long absence with Superman's? Would that not prompt some kind of inquiry?

Having reclaimed his job, Clark discovers that Lois Lane is engaged with Richard White, and has a child with him. Clark is gripped in anguish and feels left out. Lois has not married but still has a child nonetheless. He is also told that she has some feelings left for his alter ego, Superman. He takes this little chance left to win her heart. 

In the meantime, Luther has hatched a plan to build his own world with the crystals he discovers in the sanctuary of solitude. I'll be blunt: this is cliched and far-fetched, and I wouldn't even think of this as worth my time. 

Overall, this movie could have had something, but given the order of events it is not worth scrambling for. This sequel is out of line and is not a movie that rejuvenates a long-hibernating franchise. For a new generation it would have been better to reinvent itself and stick to the roots. This movie was produced to play homage to a series of DC movies that initiated a taste for comic movies,  even before Batman saw the big screens worldwide. I could let this film lie as paying homage rather than being a sequel altogether. 

Snakes On A Plane (2006)

Snake movies were a thing since Anaconda (1997), even though they were not well received by critics and audience alike. Yet somehow this movie marks a time the internet buzz was widespread like forest fires even before its release. Despite this craze, the movie fell short of expectations, just like the movies of this kind before. I have reviewed Anaconda and Anacondas: The Hunt For The Blood Orchid (2002) and those movies had common flaws that rendered them laughable but nonetheless commercially successful: cardboard characters, factual inaccuracies, boring start, cliches that only children would not notice, and several instances of unintentional humor. If snake thrillers are rife with these hitches, then it is no wonder they fail to impress.

So after a montage of the scenic Hawaiian beaches, which would entice any non-American to visit one day, the movie starts off with a BMX biker, Shawn, who accidentally witnesses a crime at an apartment. Okay the perpetrator Edward Kim is a wacky excuse who is getting back at his victim, a prosecutor named Daniel Hayes. He starts heckling him with this cheesy talk about a boy growing up without a father, before finishing his own banter with himself without a father. Guess this movie has to emphasize the importance of a male role model in a boy's life. I do not see how his bodyguards take this guy seriously as he acts like a spoiled brat!

Shawn gets away, but does it without having waited for the criminals to leave the area completely. He does this stupidly by riding off on his loud bike and thus giving himself away in broad daylight. Does he not realize the trouble he has wound up in by doing this? And he did not have a camera phone to begin with. So they follow him to his home, without actually establishing how they were able to do this given the fact he, although riding a small bike, could have easily outmaneuvered him on road.

Luckily for him, Samuel L. Jackson's character, FBI Agent Neville Flynn, grabs him unexpectedly. Okay, he does this the moment the mobsters dismantle his door lock but not before? And how is it that a cop is allowed to scale a building without being seen by anyone from a radius of at least 200 m? Well Shawn said that he could not report to the police because of corruption in high places. So I think I can let it lie for now.

So the main plot of this movie is that Shawn has to be flown to L.A. to testify against Kim and put him away for life, however Kim's henchmen and insiders are going to ensure that Shawn is killed off to hamper this progress. However, this movie is not without several subplots to introduce several additional characters who will serve some purpose to the story, or will just add more tension or agony to it.

Here are three of several side characters who will be boarding the plane, and one of them is familiar to all those children who grew up with one memorable kid's show on Nickelodeon, Kenan & Kel. Believe me, not every one of them has a bigger impact on this movie than the guy in the middle, and he is so much of a spoof of P. Diddy and Kanye West.

These stewards know how to socialize among themselves, even when you hear dialogue that sounds so bass that it spells "mediocre". I can be sure that these actors are not the type to be big or important. In fact, this is the usual case with movies where scores of deaths are to occur: serve them up on a platter, and don't expect us to feel for them because they are either uninteresting or just stereotypical.

So there is a cargo being loaded into the aircraft which Shawn is boarding. I have seen a shot where a sniffer dog is doing its job yet the only thing that security is dismissing as minor is a cat in a cage. the dog senses danger yet its handler doesn't check further. You know it is as if they have never learned their lesson form 9/11.

What seems more inconvenient here is that first class has been "overbooked", though it has been occupied by one witness for the sake of protection. I find this excuse weak and illogical but considering the security already so lax, why not take this precaution.

You know when we want so see snakes tear the chunks out of unsuspecting victims, we have to endure almost half an hour of human bonding or something. It does bring the boredom to the theater before the tide falls. However, it turns out that even kids are on the plane, so it may well be a good time to consider them as important because they are going to be dragged into the upcoming mayhem that they surely did not see coming.

The biggest letdown in this movie is the C.G.I. snakes. I have already hyped in the past on the quality of the images. Animatronic snakes are far more realistic than the C.G.I. so it is little wonder anyone would be more engaged to the snakes themselves than the carnage they unleash on a plane where they have no way of escaping or hiding from these reptiles.

Okay, you were warned about this. You tamper with the smoke detector and you're breaking the law. This should have alerted the cockpit and the stewards about this criminal damage and thus cause the plane to land for investigation. But the movie has to go along so this is negated. At least the couple get down and dirty so that we see this lady's hot tits, unlike in aforementioned movies.

The two are the first victims of the snake attack. The only thing to savor here is the cheesy CGI snake sucking on her tit while injecting its venom into her. Aside from that, the snake itself is just an eyesore.

The snakes have broken loose and have damaged the electrics on the plane. It is as if they were smart enough to do this knowing what they have just compromised.

This is just an overkill. Another snake bites him on a dick. This is like snake porn or something.

Predator camera vision.

There's a snake between her legs. Get the metaphor-cum-literal gist.

Okay. So I am watching two instances where each snake is inches from its next victim yet there is just an unexpected cause for saving grace, even when a character screams on his PSP. Nevertheless it is cleverly used to illustrate how close for comfort they were.

But that doesn't come for the other passengers when all hell breaks loose! It's the attack of the venomous snakes on a plane! We get it all: shaky camera, flickering lights, passengers scrambling for safety, blood and bone-crunching sound effects. This scene has taken enough time to reach this part. Did I forget to mention that these snakes are just attacking everybody because of the pheromones that one of the insiders sprayed on the flower souvenirs that triggers aggression even when provoked? That's why the snakes are just attacking helpless passengers.

Hey look. The director who introduced one Asian as a criminal has decided to bring in this other Asian as a good guy to attain a balance. Everybody is good regardless of race. Also, this guy happens to just show up at the last minute to save this lady Mercedes from a vicious snake, even though there was no sign of him from earlier on in the hallway overrun with these snakes.  It is a coincidence to have a martial artist on a plane that happens to be infested with these predators. I can already see the possibility of more coincidences on the horizon.

This woman in the center happens to be working her last shift before retirement. It is also a coincidence that she takes the bite in place of a baby she rescues; thus she does not have to suffer the grueling years in retirement. However, if you look at the very shot where she is bitten, it looks as if she was never bitten to begin with. The CGI snake looks as though it was too far from her shoulder to bite her and so the blood should have not leaked.

I remember a scene like this in City Slickers II: the Legend Of Curly's Gold (1994) where a guy named Phil thought a rattlesnake bit him on his buttock. Here, a certain guy in blue was bitten on his own buttock but refuses to have an air steward suck the poison out for the sake of dignity. It's like they watched the movie and couldn't stand the stigma of doing it. It is also a miracle that after all that time after being bitten he still has the strength to walk and talk; with no sign of diminishing consciousness.

Another coincidence. A small boy, named Tommy, has just been bitten by a cobra, but an air stewardess just happens to know a procedure to remove the venom from his arm. This is another victim who just has a tough tissue to hold all that venom and prevent it from seeping into the bloodstream.

Dr. Steven Price is a "hard-core snake specialist". Even for the FBI in this reality, it is a painful resort for a situation like this because it would have otherwise been treated as a coincidence. Happily there was none on a plane, thus dispelling the chance of being further downgraded for random chances of this sort. But I am going to question whether the actor playing the herpetologist truly knows his role very well when he struggles with his lines and pauses almost three time in a row.

Remember when I said that there was going to be someone whom you would not ever give a toss about? This guy takes the biscuit because he mercilessly throws Mercedes' pet chihuahua to the python to keep the python occupied. However, that proves pointless because the python, despite killing the dog, abandons it and goes for the cruel jerk instead. He just got his comeuppance, like any villain in a movie whose despicable tendency was foreseen to be followed by his tragic end. This also highlights how a python prefers human meat to dog meat, despite the obvious size difference. By the way, that python was a latest addition to a plague of snakes, even though it is non-venomous. It's like the director grew weary of the venomous snakes and so went with something different to make this chaotic scene more exciting.

Remember Mr. Spoof here? Let me just assume that this is a typical celebrity who basks in fame but fails to keep his cool in a moment of turbulence. Clarence loses his mind over people coughing on him and diminishing circulation of oxygen. I guess this is how they fall from grace and try all they can to get back on top.

The FBI undertake an investigation into how the snakes were smuggled unto the plane in the first place. Long enough for me to not even note the sequence of events, they eventually find out that someone has collected snakes from around the world, to raise the chance of the poisons not being able to be neutralized with the correct antidotes. (He has been indicted for the crime more than once in the past, yet he somehow has based himself in the same area; making it easy to be tracked down.) However, given the chances of being bitten himself, the smuggler has already stashed his own supply of antidotes just in case, giving the FBI the chance to recover them to heal the passengers on the plane. I can't call this a coincidence because of the logic guiding this scenario.

A desert black snake, native to the Middle East, bites this smuggler and slithers away. Nobody catches and boxes it in case it bites anyone else. The officers interrogate him within seven minutes, so containing the black snake is not a priority.

You know what this movie needs? Another coincidence. The pilot has just died from heavy poisoning and not the plane is nearing the LA airport. Nobody is left to fly the plane except Troy (Kenan Thompson), and he only has rough knowledge of this after spending countless hours on a fight simulator. This guy is glued to his PSP so when it comes to landing the plane, he is the one. So remember, before boarding a plane, play video games for at least 2000 hours. Really? That long. No wonder you and your friend are overweight. This does deliver mixed messages about video games.

"Enough is enough! I have had it, with these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane!! Everybody strap in. We're about to open some fucking windows." This is the very line by Samuel L. Jackson that has to be the very pinnacle of the movie. The time has come to eject all those unwanted passengers so that they can safely land the plane, even if that plan alone is dangerous.

This is the dangerous plan. Not everyone has strapped in tight into their seats. Yet they were able to hold on for dear life.

This guy Troy has been mute for the entirety of this movie. In fact there are so many characters whose names I could not even grasp in this movie. Give Anaconda credit: at least I could learn the characters name from the beginning, even if their voice was not coherent. Here, the music often plays so loudly that, accompanied with background noise, I could not even hear their names called out until the end. In short, these characters are not someone I would even bond with more readily. That's the problem: you don't know who they are until their names are called and even when their names are called, you can't identify them.

So thanks to Troy's near-miss landing, everyone makes it out alive--even a snake that lunges at Shawn. This is one of cliches where a brief respite must surely be interrupted by a threat that was thought to have been extinguished. Thankfully, Neville shoots it dead, after equipping Shawn with a bulletproof vest. You know, I can finally assume that all these snakes act like sentient beings acting under the order of the criminal Edward Kim. In fact, throughout this film, several snakes had open opportunities to kill their victims but decided to delay or move on. In fact, this follows the same trend as the venom from each snake: some types of venom are less potent than others, giving a select victims a chance to survive.

"Do as you say, and you'll live." This quote has been uttered three time in this film. It is a rosy end to a frightful experience on a plane plagued with snakes. I can say that the genre of snake horror hasn't always been a favorite for many. However, when a Hollywood superstar is brought in for the ride, it can be a case where some aspects of this film can be taken seriously and solidly. It's not overall bad, just cheesy and cliched. Coincidences are the usual case, but the scenery can convince one that this is a movie worth remembering. It has moments which are rife in B-movies, but this one stands as one to be archived in households.