Resident Evil (2002)

Here's one thing we are familiar with about video game movies: they mostly suck, and critically and commercially fail. So far I have reviewed movies based on well-known video game titles such as Alone In The Dark, Street Fighter, Super Mario Bros, Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within, Hitman, Doom and  Lara Croft: Tomb Raider. Many who have watched these movies were dismayed by the acting, casting, storyline, dialogue, plot and writing, and the lack of the very essence from their video game source materials. Most of these titles were box office bomb and/or were critically derided by fans and critics alike.
So now I am going to review a movie, one so successful that to date it has been certified as the longest most successful video game movie of all time--this is Resident Evil.

So we start with a prologue: our main location is Raccoon City where we see that a pharmaceutical firm, Umbrella Corporation, is behind everything from household products and even genetic engineering. That's solid considering that this is the very setting of the game itself.



The plot revolves around getting into 'The Hive', finding out why the employees were 'killed', and then getting out alive. A team of Umbrella Corporation commandos are assigned to  this task and are accompanied by Alice and Matt. They find out the killing was perpetrated by "The Red Queen" who was trying to quell an outbreak of the T-virus which was responsible for the walking dead. Now we all know that when The Red Queen discharged nerve gas in The Hive, all the victims were knocked out. So how was it that they were sealed away underground when no one was spared the discharge? It's not like they all rose up and hid themselves away in bulky containers, only to be liberated by an E.M.P.

  

I recall the genre of the game is horror survival; unfortunately this movie fails to encapsulate such fear. Instead we have some flimsy dialogue, unintentional humour, cheesy CGI, some ear-aching scores,  never-ending series of expositions, and seizure-inducing flashbacks.These flashbacks are so frequent and repetitive that they would leave a viewer distracted and disoriented. If Alice is recovering her memory, that does not mean we have to be bombarded by flashing images.

The worst part of it is that a young British girl voices the Red Queen, the "homicidal bitch". Such a role is nowhere near appropriate for a child. Why not bring in an adult? Also, she was watching the whole incident on camera when someone threw the T-virus. So why did she not seal the doors before the perpetrator escaped? It would be questionable if she really intended to minimize the casualties and stem the outbreak.

 

Let me ask you one question: when you cut of part of a person or a whole person, wouldn't blood spill? So this movie blatantly negates the attribute and has us think that these people were already dead before the laser cut them up, when they were already alive! It is bewildering to have this writing bypass the director.



The only consolations are the zombie rottweilers and the Ultimate Hunter: although the CGI is poorly rendered, the makeup special effects and some animatronics do offer compensation to the viewers. They prove to be more menacing than the walking dead, and terrifying throughout the film.

This movie had an ample chance to score points but botches it as do other movies before it. It fails to live up to the video games it is based on, but still ends on a cliffhanger letting us viewers know that a sequel is to materialize.

 

This movie was directed by Paul W.S. Anderson.

Lara Croft: Tomb Raider (2001)

What I have here is another movie based on a series of video games, Tomb Raider. In the series is a female protagonist known as Lara Croft; she is currently listed in the Guinness World Records as the "Most Successful Human Virtual Game Heroine", and is remembered for her physique and skills. So a movie was created to cash in on her success; so was it successful commercially and critically? Or, like other video game movies, did it suffer heavily? So let's find out as we explore the movie, Lara Croft: Tomb Raider.

So we are shown the opening credits to the film, after which we see our heroine prowling the ruins of some temple or whatever. Whoa, she makes her appearance just as she does in the video games. Terrific! But then, she is intercepted by some machine--where did it come from? Who sent the robot? We do not know but just watch Lara (Angelina Jolie) retaliate as it wrecks the place. You have got to love her as she delivers her role perfectly. It's just what a video game movie needs.
Whoa! Hold on. Did she just command that robot to stop? Well, it appears that it was all just a training session. Better yet anyway.

You know, I really relish the moment she dumps her modesty, even in front of her butler (James Hillary, played by Chris Barrie)! Now, this is where I think the dialogue sounds pretty offensive considering that she flaunts her modesty and her femininity.
After that intricate moment in her mansion, we are taken to another location in Venice, Italy, where a congregation are concerned with something to do with the planetary alignment. Now listen to all this dialogue and see if you can actually digest all the jargon. Oh, this congregation belongs to the Illuminati--notice that pyramid with an eye in it.



We now jump back to the mansion, where Lara discloses her fear of the 15th. Why? Two coincidental reasons:

1. Her father, Lord Richard Croft (Jon Voight), died May 15th 1985
2. The planetary alignment happens on the same day at the time of this film being made.

And if you observe the supposed images of the planets, they look as if they are not to scale; they look as if they are all identical.

And get this flashback: it operates at slow-motion--what for? Does it build up tension to the very point where it gets suspicious? Sorry, but this is not the only moment as we will see more unnecessary use of slow-motion. Well, the flashback awakens Lara because of an old clock that keeps on ticking. Wait, a clock hidden in a bale of hay behind a wooden panel, can make enough noise to attract her attention? Sorry, I don't buy this. But hey, why gripe about it?
(Oh and a little note: do these English persons only profane with the term, bugger? I mean, is that the only thing that comes to mind? How about trying something different.)



You know, for a movie based on the Tomb Raider series, I myself would be expecting some heart-racing action instead of sitting through endless boredom.
Lara has a mysterious relic resembling a clock or something; yet she seems to be unable to learn of its significance with the alignment.



So after that sequence of boring events, Lara's quietude is broken as her mansion is raided by Alpha commandos. Finally we get the action we paid money to see. Let's get the video game in this movie already! It's really invigorating to see that the raiders have a hard time trying to shoot at Lara as they jump around on bungee harness.



Things get even tighter when they attempt to steal the relic clock. One of those moments, possibly from the video game itself, is relived as she mounts a motorcycle and flies sideways executing an assault on the adversaries. Purely marvelous.



Oh, and turns out that the Illuminati are responsible for the intrusion and theft from the Croft mansion.



As with video game movies, we hear more pointless dialogue. After that, Lara receives mail from somebody supposed to be her father. We get a message of her father which tells us of impending doom which Lara must prevent. (Is it me or do all these American actors do a half-decent job of forging English accents? Even Jon Voight has made his third attempt in doing so. Couldn't they get real English actors to play their counterparts properly?)
So Lara flies to Cambodia where she must find the first half of the triangle. In the other end of the location, you've really got be kidding me when you see how little or no effort is being put into tearing down the temple doors. But Lara has found a less torturous entrance to the temple. (Are you suggesting that these dimwits did not search for an easier route to the temple that Lara just found? They must be pretty oblivious and always preferred the hard way to doing things.)
So Lara ventures into the temple and, as she does in the video games, faces perilous booby traps and slippery climbs, all before making it to the centerpiece of the temple.
So after that perilous adventure, we get some more cheesy dialogue as Alex West (Daniel Craig) makes a pretty erratic excuse for a countdown. (You know, I don't know how he manages to keep the pacing even despite frequent interruptions from every source. How does anyone work out the mechanics of the alignment.)

So when Lara convinces them to release the key, she successively unlocks the hidden piece of the prize. Unfortunately, this, for unknown reasons, awakens stone statues to life. You know, some of the statues can suffer damage from fire arms; but the main statue just won't take a hit form anything, except the rocking beam with a spike at the front! Right! Who would have thought of that?! This is definitely typical of a video game scenario.
And in order to get away, Lara jumps into a waterfall. Yeah, even without knowledge as to whether it was safe or perilous.
You I know, we could all do with more of Lara Croft in the shower and then walking naked in the room; but NOT with Alex Wood doing the routine! I mean, the maidservant's reaction to that would be exactly how one of us would have reacted. We certainly don't need that at all.

So Lara and the gang make it to the ice land of Siberia, Russia, where they are on a hunt for the second half of the triangle. And then she come across a mysterious girl who knows of her intents--I think she is the same one from Cambodia who always appears and disappears in scenes.
So they venture deep into the icy ruins, only to find what appears to be the obstacle course from a TV game show, Wipeout. Seriously, who came up with this idea? This is not suitable for a video game movie.
You know, I have no idea as to how the planetary alignment has anything to do with acquiring power over space and time. (Again, another image of planets in alignment, not at a correct scale so that they all appear to be close to each other. Defiance of astrology.)

This is where Manfred Powell (Iain Glen) begins to annoy me so much: throughout this movie, his pomposity, making himself sound like Lucifer all the time, talking like a man with power so that Lara would always comply with him at desperate of times, really gives me a headache. At least Lara, due to the short amount of time to manipulate time itself, is able to finally give him his comeuppance. Good riddance to bad garbage.
However, that is short-lived as Manfred and Lara duel it off the final time. You know, I find this guy to be a big coward: he uses all of his brute force to assault a woman, but doesn't even have the guts to beat up a man without using guns or knives. Pathetic. At least he died from mortal wounds.

So she with her huskies makes her quick exit from the ruins as they crumble. But, without giving us any scene where Alex Wood reunites with Lara as a sign of her well-being, we suddenly jump back to her mansion. That was just abrupt. And why were Bryce (Noah Taylor) and the butler shocked at her wearing a dress? Guess they haven't seen her wear one before. At least we end with her doing what she does best on her training.

It seems I can see why critics were not positive towards this movie: not only is the plot hard to swallow, every other character apart from Angelina Jolie, fails to deliver. They try everything to add humor but fail, only to give us something to frown at. As I observed before, they seem to rush the whole transition from one location in the movie to another without sustaining a flow in the movie. But nevertheless, the video game aspect of this movie is intact and is worthy of its box office success.

Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within (2001)

Now here is a movie that was once hinted to be in the works. It appeared behind an instruction manual belonging to the Final Fantasy IX video game. I have been the one who would play Final Fantasy IX over and over again, often motivated to develop the skills and personalities of the characters, even before Final Fantasy X and X-2. Here is what I loved about the game, besides the game play: the humor, the character development, the plot(s), and even the timeline.
So after the movie came out, I had read about its performance in the box office and how it fared against the expectations of the critics and fans alike. So to see why this movie was an extremely detrimental bomb and received mixed reviews from critics, I am going to take the time to watch and examine this video game movie.

You have to be frank, the C.G.I. is visually superior even at the time of its making. The characters all look so realistic that they look like real people. This is near high-definition.

When I thought of a movie based on the video game series, I was thinking it was set in the same timeline as the video games themselves; but it is not. It is set in the year 2065 AD, the earth (no, it is not called Gaia) is ravaged by alien forces known as phantoms, and the human race is on the verge of extinction. The earth has a spirit called the Gaia--what a way to go--which can be harmed if it were subjected to laser blasts. Now most would call that implausible, and contrary to the stories from the Final Fantasy games.

Now let's look at the characters: we have Dr Aki Ross, Dr Sid, Captain Gray Edwards, Ryan, Jane, Neil, commanders from the Deep Eyes Squadron. Aki Ross is constantly having all these dreams in which phantoms are constantly plaguing her (she does reveal that they are swarming within her, weakening her will to ward them off).
Let me just be direct: most of these characters are thinner than paper; they lack the growing personalities of their video game counterparts; and there was probably little or no chemistry between any of the characters. Speaking of which, there was between Gray and Ross, but that seemed damp and lukewarm.
They don't even last long enough on screen as they killed off even before the film really starts to take off. We do not see much in them except that they bicker from time to time, or just do the job of annoying us by talking too much.

When I think of the Final Fantasy games, I think of journeys to certain locations where the role leads encounter dangerous enemies and engage in battles--battles where we see special skills, physical and magical, unleashed at incredible levels. But that is missing here, and we only see one kind of enemy, which doesn't work to my expectation as a Final Fantasy fan.
But at least there is hardly any fault to find in this movie; it's just the essential elements integral to the games this movie was based on.

The Last Airbender (2010)

I once watched a cartoon series on Nickelodeon, Avatar: The Legend of Aang (alternately titled Avatar: The Last Airbender in North America), and enjoyed every moment of it. It was vibrant; the characters, especially Aang, were dynamic and full of life. There was action and even humor--something that made the whole series so lovable and garnered so many fans across the generation.
So when I learned that a live-action movie based on the series was going to be released in cinemas, I was eager to finding out how it was going to fare in the box office. (I did not have the motivation to check it out myself as I wasn't very keen to spend any money as a true fan would.) Would it be as spectacular as its source material? That was my very expectation, until...

...I heard that the movie was a critical disaster. Now I have watched the movie to understand how it was such a critical flop. Talk about false advertising. I had researched on the web to study Nickelodeon movies and understand how they fared in the media--and it was not favorable. Like mainstream movies, most of the Nickelodeon movies were either negatively or positively received even if they grossed at the box office; and this one was no exception. However, this is not the first and only movie to receive any nomination for a razzie, but is the only movie to win more razzies than Imagine That (2009).
So I  reluctantly purchased the DVD by chance, and I shall now take my time to see why the movie was universally condemned.
Firstly, you do have to be very incensed at they way they mispronounce their character names: in the movie,  "Aang" is pronounced as "Ahng" instead of "Ang" (rhymes with "bang"); and there are many more deliberate mispronunciations to come.
Remember the animation? Doesn't Aang look so lively and high in spirit? Isn't this what movie-goers were expecting from him and his friends? To be a child, a 12-year-old who wants to have fun and be a normal person aside from the worldwide tensions? I mean this is what made the series so popular that even I couldn't get enough of it (now I wish I did watch every episode in each season). Why should he be enraged at moments which were not relevant in the series (such as the death of monks)? That is just atypical.
Even the backgrounds in the series could captivate our eyes nonetheless; a lush and aesthetic view to boot. We all knew Aang was hard to detest, and he would truly live in us as a lovable boy.
But this movie brings this poor boy and the series to disrepute, and I wish Shyamalan HELL!
So Aang (Noah Ringer) cannot have a normal life? He cannot have a family? That's why he ran away from the monastery?! Come on, man! How can you change the Avatar's back story like that??!! Look at Wikipedia and see for yourself why Aang ran away (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Avatar:_The_Last_Airbender). That's not the Aang we all know from the animated series. In fact, from the first few minutes, he have seen nothing from the series: Aang is just blank in his personality, he is no more playful but is now hard-laden like a wooden statue. We don't even see anyone having fun or making jokes with each other; it's all just bad acting and flimsy dialogues which I fail to understand. Humor is just desiccated.
Here's what's even more deficient: there is no chemistry between Aang and Katara (Nicola Peltz). In the animated series, we have witnessed hilarious moments where Aang has always shown his strong affections to Katara, which we all delighted in. But here, there is not even a slight spark of romance between the two of them.
In fact, all of the actors are terrible in their job; they are all lifeless and frigid. You can always see by their facial expressions how they only do their jobs by infuriating us viewers, critics, and fans of the animated series. Throughout this film, you can always see from Aang's face that he is always miserable and has no living spirit whatsoever.

You can also see from the cast that they do not resemble their animated counterparts in anyway: in this movie, the protagonists are all white while the antagonists are all dark-skinned while the reverse is the case in the animated series. Does this suggest any intentional racial degradation still blighting in Hollywood in this day and age? (Of course we still are reminded that the characters here lack the personalities of their anime equivalents.) I do not want to be derisory in terms of race, but isn't it even ironic that Shyamalan gave the dark-skinned cast the roles of villains and the white cast the roles of heroes while he himself is dark-skinned? I'm sure it is.
And by the way, what's with Iroh?! That's not him at all; it's the Train Man from The Matrix Revolutions! Bogus!

In the animation, you can see how the special effects define the moment Aang enters the Avatar State.  None of the effects in the movie could surpass the power of the Avatar which was correctly depicted in the animation. This is so inadequate. In fact, the 'special' effects in the movie do not deserve to be called special; rather just rudimentary as opposed to the ones in the animated scenes.

Look at the choreography: most of them, even Aang, do not perform it as astoundingly as their animated counterparts; they act like it takes complex rather than simple maneuvers to do it. In fact on this note, every fight sequence is just so sub-par that you would just be bored to death just before the next sequence of events.

I would like to point out that while typing I could not even be bothered to watch every minute of this scum. I can see that it would have been better than to even watch it painfully if I had always been watching every episode on TV. I would have been dreading every moment of it to the depth of my stomach.

How impressive(!) I shall again do my best to finish my review after watching this disappointing glop! But I do know one thing: this movie now belongs to Wikipedia's list of the worst movies of all time, and if I were to watch the entire animated TV series, I would surely be much harsher and unreserved in my review. AND IF HE THINKS THAT ANYBODY WOULD WANT A SEQUEL, FORGET IT!!!!!!!!!! We'd rather have a reboot than a sequel. Or better yet, a termination of the trilogy altogether !!! I'll tell you now: this has to be the worst movie ever since Battlefield Earth (2000)--in fact, this is the Battlefield Earth of Nickelodeon Movies--and if a sequel were green-lighted it will be the biggest box office bomb since Cutthroat Island (1995)!

Oh by the way, I found a link which displays all the 61 episodes of Avatar. Watch it and see for yourself if you haven't watched the entire series before.
http://www.animedreaming.tv/anime/avatar-the-last-airbender/

This just in: I have just watched episode 57 (season 3, chapter 17) of the series and discovered that it was an acid test to the Shyamalan movie. If you have watched this episode, you would have realized that it was a giveaway that this movie was in production and was predicted to be universally condemned despite its abundance of 'decent' special effects. This episode proved that turning any of the seasons of this series into a movie would be a disastrous step; hence the producers of the show created this play as a parody of the movie before its release into the theaters. I have seen for myself the overwhelmingly negative reception that would have been (and has been) garnered from the play that parodies the movie, and understood that the producers of this show were dismayed that the live-action version was green-lighted despite the poor script and miscast of the characters. In other words, the play was an analogy while the episode itself was a simulation experiment.

Spawn (1997)

   

I have never heard of this guy, and I never will. I only watched this movie to review how it was one of the comic book movies of the 1990s that began to slide in popularity, and failed to kick-start the film franchises based on the protagonists.
I cannot be sure how to begin my review until I study his profile and understand what made him so popular in the first place. So why was this movie a gross disappointment? Well I shall begin to examine this puke. This is typical of what we read on the back of a VHS case:

"Spawn. The scarred warrior and fearless dark hero with the skills of an assassin, the warrior of an extraterrestrial army and the supernatural ability to transform himself into an extraordinary arsenal of shapes and textures. Here, Todd McFarlane's comic book hero is brought to the screen in this special edition, director's cut of the movie."

Wasn't that a load of fallacy, noting the mediocre performance at the box office?

So what was this pig-goo all about? Al Simmons (Michael Jai White) is an assassin. He works for a cover government agency. After a disagreement on his assignment, he is killed by Jessica Priest (Melinda Clarke) under the orders of Jason Wynn (Martin Sheen). He is sent to hell and, after five years, returns to earth under condition that, having brokered a deal with a devil, he leads the army of hell-spawn to unless Armageddon.

As any critic would do, I will only fish out the bad part of this movie.
So let's begin. We have a monologue, which is what I have just paraphrased above. Then we get this brazen assault on security personnel, in a military air base at Hong Kong. This turns out to be an assassination on specific targets. Check this out, it looks pretty elaborate and over-the-top, even at the time the movie was made. I mean, computerized identity goggles just to be sure of the exact target and yet they wipe out an entire aircraft? Isn't that just excessive? What's wrong with a noble sniper rifle?!

So after that, we get the opening credits. Right now we get the credits! I'm sorry but, this is bad editing: shouldn't there be opening credits right after the monologue? You can't just insert the credits in the middle of the movie; that is just premature and distracting. But if you think that's awkward, you will have a very hard time watching seizure-inducing openings; I mean come on, are you intentionally trying to deliver subliminal messages in this section?! Keep it still already! It's not even up to four minutes into the movie and I'm already getting nauseous! Steve Williams, you are certainly a "spaz", even for a visual effects supervisor.

So after all that riveting ride, we are taken to a room where our villain in the shadow is making deals a guy in a suit. (He's in charge of an international corporation called A6.) There is something I want to ask: if you meant to keep the fat guy in the shadow, why close in on him and reveal his face before zooming out again only to keep his identity hidden? Do you expect us to forget how he looks?!

The editing is bad where AL Simmons is killed and sent to hell. Next thing we get is a pitch-black screen. Uh, hello? What happens next? We are suddenly taken to an alley, yes, right after the pitch black! And Al is alive all of a sudden. No explanation as to how he was dead one minute ago and is alive and burnt to crisp the next minute. Right. And here's something that is a little inconsistent: a woman is freaked out by Al's appearance, but a little boy, called Zack (Miko Hughes), is not. Are you really trying to toy with a child's intelligence?!

And just as your anticipation for the anti-hero to demonstrate his new found powers was held on tenterhooks, you will be left dumb-founded when you see what he does instead. Yes, he scales the rooftop, flaunting his over-sized red cape even though he is obviously under the searchlight; then we see him about to assault two security henchmen, which has unfortunately been cut out so that we do not see him unleash his prowess of fury on them at all! What a let down! This part has been deliberately watered down, for what?! Where's the good in that?! And yes, he reveals his disfigured face for most of the time, instead of hiding behind the mask--as if anybody wants to see more of that already!
So spawn finally crashes the party, and we expect him to fulfill his vengeance. How does he do this? He doesn't. All he does is make himself known to Wynn, take it all out on his ex-best friend Terry Flitzgerald (D. B. Sweeney), and run about trying to avoid gunshots. Why does he carry guns? He's hellspawn for crying out loud, not The Punisher! Why doesn't he just kill everyone he knew was responsible for his death already?! Why doesn't he just use the powers of hell to pull it off??!!! This guy is one lousy actor. Why doesn't he just fly or teleport out of the scene to evade the police?

You know, I am really getting sick and tired of all the fire-based transitions. It's too much and getting out really fast. Hey, I even resent the idea to make it look like Wynn spat fire to initiate another repetitive transitional imagery.

So Spawn returns to the alley after the events back on the real world. Oh my goodness, why does he prepare to assault Zack's father with such ferocity when he doesn't deserve it, while he couldn't even put a scratch on the very villain directly involved in his death? Gosh, he certainly doesn't even know how to use his powers at the right place, or the right time! This guy's literally dead, both in his acting and in his appearance.

Now we come to this scene in an operation theater. Why is Wynn going under the knife? He's inserting a heart monitor--for what exactly? Is he having a heart disease from acting in this movie? I guess I could say that(!) But it is revealed that it is a safeguard against his death: should he be killed, his death will trigger a series of detonations across the globe, initiating the all prepared Armageddon that has been in hiatus for five years. Now, to a normal human being, inserting such a device into a person's body is at all times foolhardy: Wynn is going to die someday, so why go through with this anyway????!!!! I mean which hospital will allow this in the first place????!!!!!

So after that scene we see Clown's true form: The Violator. So, again, how does Spawn deal with this? That's right, he resorts to firearms, yes, firearms. Is this guy useless or what?! Guns against a demon from hell!!! Pathetic!!!! He is no match for The Violator.
Even the old guy in an overcoat and hat has to talk sense into this piece of turd's head. He lives in the past and constantly thinks about Wanda all the time. Seriously, he knows he's dead; why can't he just let it go already? At least he finally jettisons the useless arsenal of firearms.

Now he chases Clown on a motorcycle. Seriously, a motorcycle, while Clown is driving s maintenance truck? Why doesn't he just fly or teleport there in no time??!!! I mean look at that, he couldn't even harness the powers into the motorcycle. This is dreadful; rewriting the character into someone more incompetent than The Punisher is surely a disappointment!

Did to forget the mention the sporadic and randomly sudden transitions that have occurred in this movie. I mean, some scenes which were never meant to be shown just show up with no purpose at all, and then disappear again. No explanation, nothing to justify their presence.

Oh for goodness sake. Spawn makes his presence in Wanda's, just after Clown does. And despite those grotesque tricks Clown demonstrates with his eyes, Cyan still doesn't seem to be moved at all, and neither do the adults!!!!
While at it, he should be able to kill Jason Wynn; but he doesn't because the plan has been revealed. But Spawn is able to remove the device from him; so does he finally kill the SOB?! NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HE STILL DOESN'T!!!!  WHAT IS WITH THIS GUY??????!!!!!!!
Even the showdown in hell turned out to be a complete farce. The special effects are just a clod of bile! Nothing here was exciting enough for anyone to forget the previous treatment of whip-lashing. Hell was nothing more than a theme park from a mind of a drug addict.

So after that roller coaster of nausea, Clown has been defeated; Jason Wynn is apprehended; Wanda, Terry and Cyan spend the rest of their lives as a family; and Spawn, letting go of his past, decides to defend justice in the world.

What a piece of turd for a comic movie. I wasn't enough that this movie had to shred our expectations; we already had a moment of seizure inducing opening credits, but the end credits are even worst: flashing imagery, shaking scrolls and slanting texts. What a way to tamper with our patience after a pointless, plotless movie that makes no effort to develop any of the characters in the movie, including the very titular lead!!! This is one hell of a ride for us.


Right now, I am going to review the overall picture.
Well we start with the protagonist. Wasn't he wonderful(?) Certainly not! He was blunderful. I have never seen such a sappy excuse for an anti-hero. Throughout this movie, it's been "Stay away from Wanda!". This guy was just a whelp; not something people were expecting from such an iconic character. Even the demon Clown (John Leguizamo) thought this guy was just a joke. Spawn was nothing more than a mock-up of The Punisher. I have already been studying his profile, and found out that this whole Spawn universe was watered down! I may not be a fan of this guy but if you want to base a movie on the (super)hero in question, stay true to the elements in the source material, no matter what. Don't think that every child must watch this, so that it must be rewritten for their delight.

 

Throughout this film, its been about a battle between heaven and hell, and the devil (not Satan!) recruited Al Simmons to be a general to lead his army. What army? Seriously, I have seen more fearsome demons in different media, but these guys looked like party animals instead of the soldiers of hell! I mean, look at the realm: it did not look like the kingdom of darkness; it looked more like the jungle book to me! And speaking of the devil: every time he spoke his mouth never moved but looked as though he has lockjaw! Even my sister was derisory towards this movie; it was laughable to think that this was going to be a thrill.

 

For minutes upon minutes, we were expecting Spawn to at least show some character development. But no, it's been "Wanda" this, "Wanda" that. Rather than just move on and accept that he is already dead and [forgotten], he does not even show us the potential of the powers he possesses; he just uses guns, and only flaunts his cape on brief moments. Despite his vengeance against those who orchestrated his death, he only kills the female assassin but not Jason Wynn himself. Pathetic. He wasted his chance to kill the very perpetrator behind his death by just tossing him around like a cushion and not executing him.
He was said to have superhuman strengths, so why the BS did he not use them against his adversaries, or to accomplish his vengeance? This was the essence of character development. I have seen his bio: he was supposed to demonstrate his new-found powers on screen to outsmart his adversaries, including the police. But to our dismay, even the police outsmart HIM. In fact, it is mentor that does the job for him.

  

And just one question about this five-year-old Cyan: is there nothing on this planet that could frighten her to death? Really. When she first sees the disfigured Al Simmons in her backyard, how does she respond? She asks him "Want some candy?". Doesn't that ring any bells? (Think back to Predator 2.) She acts bold and unmoved whenever anything unusual encroaches, even if it threatens her parents! A five-year-old with a heart of steal?! You must be joking!



I have also learnt that the animated series, Todd McFarlane's Spawn, remained more faithful to the comics: it contained strong and extensive use of profanity, sexual scenes, and, most essentially, graphic violence. So if  an animated production could bear all these elements, why not the movie? Was this movie more interested in attracting the wider audience, including the young ones, hence diluting the whole plot, than staying true to the source material? Well, I must be straight. I am not somebody who can say anymore about this geek. As a newcomer I expected more from this guy and as a result of this failure, I shan't even give a toss about him.