Catwoman (2004)

Now what is wrong with Hollywood? I mean, jeez, why greenlight this tripe?! Catwoman? I think it would have been better to title it Catbroad or Catlady, just as would have The Asylum studio.
What was wrong with Batman Returns? Didn't it do us justice by explaining Catwoman explicitly as in the comics? Her origin, her bio, her alter ego. Didn't the movie do an excellent job at it? That is the reason it is considered by many to be one of the best movies in the Batman franchise, thanks to Tim Burton, even though it is darker than its predecessor, Batman.

 

So this Catwoman movie was released in 2004, and unsurprisingly it was a failure in many ways. The main points to take into consideration are the differences between this character and her comic counterpart, and the opening credits:

Based on characters created by Bob Kane and published by DC Comics

Apparently, none of the characters from the comics made it into this movie, not including Batman/The Dark Knight/Bruce Wayne, Selina Kyle, Alfred Pennyworth, Commissioner Gordon, or even Robin/Dick Grayson, to mention but a few, and not there is not one mention of Gotham City. So why this credit? I don't think Bob Kane would want to see his name on the screen!

 

So Catwoman's alter ego is Patience Philips (wtf?!), played by Halle Berry, whom I remember quite well for her role as Storm/Aurora Monroe in the X-Men trilogy. She is unknowingly killed off in a cosmetics factory and is--get this crud!--"brought back to life by a cat with one breath". Are you f#@kin' kidding me?! Now she has cat-like powers: she sees like a cat, hears like a cat, and, goodness, she acts like a cat. So be prepared for some weyward wide-angle shots and over-the-top acting by Berry, and not to mention misuse of CGI to animate her ability to "climb walls and scurry along them horizontally". And just like the cinematic travesty Batman & Robin (1997) where Mr. Freeze shoots ice puns, Catwoman spits out overly insufferable cat-related puns.

 

And let's not forget that loathsome costume she dons: a pair of slashed trousers, a matching bra and that mask/hat. I mean, is that modest, compared with the signature lycra suit sported by the Catwoman in the comics? Was it because the original costume donned by Michelle Pfeiffer's character was too discomforting? Or are you lot just perverts? Oh my Lord, I can't forgive these writers! Curse you, John Brancato, Michael Ferris and John Rogers!

 

So, fans if Batman and the real Catwoman should beware if this nonsense. I have watched this movie and could not find a solid ground for a comprehensive plot to even exist. The writing is haphazard, the acting is flimsy and hammy, the CGI was abused and, above all, this movie has no loose, yet alone firm, connection to the character from the comics. Catwoman without Batman and Gotham City is like Steel without Superman and Metropolis. Avoid at all costs.