Snow White And The Huntsman (2012)

It looks like we have a fairy tale on a dark side. This classic based on The Brothers Grimm story is turned into something that would be too dark for minors, just like Tim Burton's Batman Returns (1992). I have to be frank that watching this movie is a bore; two hours long and it seems to turn me off as a result. I am going to do whatever it takes to examine every minute of this film to understand whether it is better than Mirror Mirror, which was released the same year.

After the title card, narration sets in. And I do have to be frank, the narrator's tone is damp and dismal, highlighting that this movie is grim and miserable, a stark contrast to the original fairy tale. It goes on and off throughout the introductory partition of the movie, as if we could endure it any longer.

   

 This movie wastes no time for us to learn of the child characters of the story. We could care more if we see young Snow White spend more time with her childhood love, William. But what we really do not care about is the time she spends on a poorly blackbird. Sometimes time is precious, and there are some aspects in this movie that are not important.

 

As with the fairy tale, Snow White mother passes away, and no cause is ever mentioned. The narrator mentions that, so quickly, the king is empty and is drawn into battle. I guess he was so full of grief that a battle ensues conveniently for him to lash out in anguish. But wait a minute, it was winter the king was broken; the battle ensues after winter. That should have been long enough for the king's sorrow to dissipate. This narrator does not help at all in telling this story.And by the way, the king is facing off against a dark army, and this battle seems to be so easy and they do not even ask themselves why.

Apparently, if the dark army makes no effort to fight the king's army, one would ask if this is some kind of trap. But they just assume that victory is theirs.

Oh so now they fight. I guess I spoke too soon. By the way, watch out for shaky camera angles.It's going to be very bumpy.

Once again I hint that these knights ought to figure out that this battle is just a ploy for a sinister scheme. These dark knights disintegrate upon being struck once with a sword (or shield).

Imagine if this was in 3D. I would be also bombarded with black glass or whatever.

Having vanquished the dark army, the king finds a 'prisoner' called Ravenna. The narrator continues to reveal more to come: "The King was so heavily enchanted by her beauty that he has suddenly forgotten his broken heart and married her the very next day." That definitely sounds like bewitchment: the battle was just a lure to enchant the king. What happens next?

First comes love; then comes marriage...then comes the king in a funeral carriage.That happened so quickly. The king was first drained of his life while Ravenna reveals her true color, before she actually kills him off. So will anyone link her to his death?

 

As it shows she had her army standing by the whole time, and no one was able to implicate her of the king's death before the invasion., except young Snow White. 

So now the queen will be using a gong instead of a vanity to admire herself. And just when it looks as if this movie wasn't going to slide further into incomprehension, Ravenna suddenly howls at her henchmen to leave. What was that all about?

We all know this incantation, "Mirror Mirror on the wall. Who's the fairest one of all?" She calls this gong a mirror; and instead of a being in the mirror, the being emerges from the mirror, just like T-1000 from Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1990). Was it really really necessary to squander the budget for this?

I know this apple has been sitting here for days. But this scene alone demonstrates how the world has gone form a peaceful kingdom to a kingdom of darkness and despair. The effects used here make it vivid to the audience. Even the castle has suffered as a result of the queen's take over. She is a symbol of death and destruction. And the narrator does not seem to stop there at all.

So the queen has held Snow White prisoner in the castle. And this shot alone is completely baffling: I wish I was making this up but Snow can blow into a faggot and start a fire, even without a match! I am dumbfounded.

 

And yes, the queen is so heinous that she kills small birds and eats their insides raw. This is truly not a scene for children to witness.

And thanks to the queen, the inhabitants are so destitute that they have to fight for her used bath water to survive. I wish I slept through this one. This movie dives deeper to show us how shocking despair has grappled unto this once-prosperous kingdom. The queen could definitely try to speak more coherently once in a while.

Hey look. It's the statue of liberty. Turns out the queen is so vain that she coats herself in this creamy paste to say young. She manages to strip herself naked in the presence of her own brother. Doesn't that sound like incest? If this is where she bathes, then I wonder what those poor souls could be leading themselves to.

So the queen kills anyone of age, especially teens, to stay young. She also is virtually invulnerable to stabbing in the vitals. but it emerges that the queen cannot no longer sustain herself this way with Snow White alive. One would ask how this is possible, except if innocence and purity are taken into consideration. Snow White has been imprisoned for nine years and should not look anymore beautiful than the queen. So beauty is negated, but her other traits are considered.

 

So if it wasn't for that raven, Snow White could have not conceived a plan to escape from captivity. 

It was obviously stupid of this guy to caress her and reveal the queen's intention. This pervert got what he deserves. I'm sure that nail wasn't sharp enough to cause immense pain on this git.

And I thought one raven was enough; more turn up to show her the way out. They show her, of all places, a sewer as a way out. I wish I was making this up. In a situation of life and death, she would rather swim in a river of muck than be captured by the queen's henchmen. She strong for a woman who has been imprisoned for years.

And look at this, after tomb-stoning she swims to surface, even if she had no prior experience to doing that before.

Oh great, these birds again. What do you have in mind? A white horse. Of course, a horse was sent to pick her up. But who sent it? Thanks, birdies.

Oh dear. I guess she did not see this coming. This once thriving village has been reduced to a den of thieves and murderers. She must leave before harm comes her way.

Unfortunately the evasion is interrupted when the white horse gets stuck in the mud within this dark forest. That horse is stuck in the mud and Snow White is unable to free it. Doesn't that sound familiar? Never-Ending Story (1984). This forest looks impressively fearsome: the computer effects renders this scene convincingly heart-wrenching, coupled with the fog, eerie noise, and distorted images. It is just as powerful as that scene in Walt Disney's Snow White and The Seven Dwarfs where she was overwhelmed by the supposedly dark, twisted forest. It is a true symbol that the death has spread beyond the kingdom as a result of Queen Ravenna's tyrannical reign.

Meanwhile back at the castle, the queen herself is incensed by her brother's ineptitude. This scene must also be the starting point of Charlize Theron's descent to hammy acting. She doesn't need special effects to scare you; her eyes can do that without so much of contact lenses. After that tirade of mad dog howling, she insists on someone who knows the dark forest.

OK, this scene is just another one of those scenes from movies which crash in unexpectedly after a moment of calm. This guy in this photo is the huntsman, and for Hemsworth from Thor (2011) to come out like this dirty, drunken waste-of-space is just unconvincing. No one would take this tramp seriously at all. Just watch this guy fight with Dutch courage, and then get kicked by a horse. I swear if this was a real person getting the buckaroo, he would be dead in seconds. But no, he still lives. Also watch out for the shaky camera.

So it turns out that the huntsman is a widower, which is the pretext for his drunkenness. He is assigned by the queen to find her prisoner. And I swear that this queen is not real because she talks like some kind of waxwork puppet. Again, I can barely understand her speech more than I can understand the huntsman's. But when the huntsman defects to her request, she raises her voice but speaks like she has no idea what her line is. It is difficult to think Theron is taking this role seriously.

OK, why is this guy gaping his mouth like that? I'll tell you why: he is so thick that he believes the queen is so powerful that she can bring his wife back form the dead. this is the only thing that will drive him into doing his assignment. Anyone with a brain cell can work out this trash, so that I don't have to. He just told her that gold is of no value to him if he dies in the forest; but his wife is more precious than gold, even if she is dead and can never be resurrected. This guy just makes me sour and devoid of imagination.

I could be wrong but something struck me: Hemsworth must be the narrator of this movie. That must explain why he sounded slurred and dry.

I am not going to buy the assumption that this guy knows the forest so well that he could fish out Snow White with ease. It is just mere coincidence that she ran into him. How grand is it that she reveals the queen's evil intention to the one who is supposed to turn her over. What does he say about this?

Once again this git here fails to keep his lips sealed when he could not put up with the huntsman's desperation. The queen's brother (whose name I still haven't grasped unto) reveals the very obvious truth about the queen. This angers the huntsman who later absconds with the prisoner. Am I only one who thinks that too many beers and ales have tampered with this guy's head?

 This is why I believe that he should have just disappeared from this movie entirely, just as his counterparts have always done in other adaptations. We have seen that he would rather die than live in perpetual self-pity, and could care less about the safety of the princess.

I repeat, there will be frequent incidences of shaky camera shots, especially in fight scenes. This definitely ruins the excitement of such scenes.

I forgot about this guy on the horse. This is William, Snow White's childhood love. He has confirmation of her survival and intends to find her. So let's hope this ends happily ever after.

So as the huntsman escorts Snow White through the forest, he shows her why he resents royal families and why the forest is synonymous with death. This proves how oblivious she is having been sealed away for however long in the castle prison. (The movie doesn't tell us exactly.)

So he then attempts to teach this damsel-in-distress how to defend herself, although seeing what she's been through recently she needs more than one simple lesson to become a feisty female. 

So the couple unknowing pass a troll until it rises to attack them. I do have to admit: after passing through a forest full of camouflaging creatures and horrendous distortions, I wouldn't even think anyone would not miss that easily. The huntsman tries to fight it off even if it is obvious that he has no chance whatsoever. And just when it was certain that he is done for, Snow White screams at at and it submits to her without retaliating. Although it roars at her, it poses no further threat. Is it because it can smell purity in her soul? I'm not sure if this can ever be answered.

Snow White and the huntsman find a village populated by women; it is devoid of men who have gone out to war, and never returned. The huntsman believes that Snow White is safer here because he claims that 'everyone he cared about was taken away from him.' It would have been better if he did just leave and never return. His presence in this film is just futile. And just when the quietude couldn't be thought to be breached, the queen's henchmen suddenly attack. If only he had used his head and acknowledged that since Snow White has a bounty on her head, everywhere she goes will always be a target for a plague of fire. And Prince William was there but chose not to intervene. What sort of guy is this? He certainly no prince charming.

Meanwhile back at the castle, Ravanna is aging. Her flashback soon reveals that a witch (probably her mother) gave her a spell to remain perpetually young, except when the fairest blood is taken into consideration. I didn't think she had to strip down while aged. It just adds too much detail to this deprecation. 

So after escaping the carnage, the two find themselves in a lusher forest, only to be ambushed by--get a load of this--eight dwarfs. So instead of seven, there is initially eight. (Took them long enough to show up.) And they hang their captives upside-down, just as do the dwarfs in Mirror Mirror to every other. They torture the two but only stop when Snow White makes mention of the king, whose name is revealed to be Magnus. One of the dwarfs believes in her before the others do. I myself would ask how he knew it was her to begin with. 

So Snow White, the huntsman and the dwarfs continue their journey until they discover a forest where fairies abound. I must be open about this: this forest is a stark contrast to the forest from earlier on. The dark forest near the dying kingdom contrasts with the sanctuary, where life thrives and greets the visitors with respect. The music lightens the mood after what they (and we the audience) have had to put up with, and brings the human soul to buoyancy. 

 Remember those ravens from earlier who happen to show Snow White a way out? Well it turns out that they were sent by these little creatures called faeries. These things are capable of flying without wings, but one would ask why these things would board ravens in the first place. In my own mind, faeries would not set foot on a world where evil abounds and so would rather use birds that can. This forest is lush and full of life, which is where they prefer to walk.

 So after the darkness and gloom that prevailed in the first quarter of this movie, we finally witness the rosy charm that prevailed in the aforementioned Disney movie.

So as it seems, animals of the forest surround Snow White. In contrast, Ravanna brings death to anything she approaches. The music that plays is graceful to this scene: it reinforces the beauty that channels within one's spirit, as we sit through this movie watching a transition from darkness to light. Speaking of which, it is told that the white stag never comes out until now, probably because it has seen how mankind has relegated to a species of vicious capabilities. Snow White has convinced it that she is so pure and worthy of being blessed by it. 

Once again tranquility has to wait because Snow White has apparently attracted more threats and turbulence than bees to a beehive. Sudden disturbance has to come in the most serene of all places. What do those mercenaries use to track her anyway?

What sort of huntsman keeps his axes tied up behind him like this?

As it seems, these two above are linked. Ravenna feels pain when her brother is killed by the huntsman. His death results in her accelerated aging. It is a good thing I discovered her past because there can be no way that they are linked and that the link is fragile. She was a result of a spell, so this link does not make sense. 

So one of the dwarfs sacrifices himself to protect Snow White. There are now seven dwarfs, just as is the case in the fairy tale. They continue their journey, with William now among the group.

As it's said, if you want something done right you've got to do it yourself. The queen is progressively aging. She dons some kind of gown resembling the crows that swarm around her. What does that imply?

The group take a rest in a snowy forest. William and Snow White go for a walk to try and make up for lost times. I want to be blunt that Kristen Stewart is as emotionless as snow is white. I do not see real chemistry between William and Snow and I pretty much expected more from them. However, it turns out that the apple is poison and William is really Ravenna, the witch.

 

So that explains it all. She wears a crow cloak because she can turn into a thousand crows. Watch out! Some of them will peck your eyes out!
The moment the queen writhes in pain should have been the moment this movie ends. But it seems to continue for no apparent reason at all.

Snow White is under a type of curse called "the sleeping death." Everyone thinks she is dead, and all hope has been dashed.I know what you are thinking: Prince William can kiss her back to life,right? Let's find out.

 

 

Unfortunately, no. it's the kiss from the drunken huntsman that brings her back top life. This is one plot twist that baffles anyone who can stay awake throughout this debacle. I have managed to acknowledge that Snow White and William showed little to no chemistry between each other; and certainly none was evident between Snow White and the huntsman. So for this kiss to bring her back to life is beyond me. Nobody can understand the logic in this movie.

 

Nice on, huntsman. Now Snow White has stopped being a damsel-in-distress and has now turned into a femme fatale. But hang about, she has not even learned a thing or two about facing off against her adversaries. All I've seen her do is run away from danger, or take cover from it. The huntsman did not train her to fend for herself, so I would not think she has what it takes to fight for freedom.But nonetheless it is the dwarfs who take part immensely to take down the forces so that the castle can be breached.

So while her men are fighting, Snow White detaches to confront the queen herself. Ravenna is a witch and poses no chance of losing to Snow White.

Venom makes an appearance in a fairy tale movie. All the knights fight off the venom monsters in one room while Snow White confronts her enemy in the immediate room.

I am not surprised that this final fight will not be any more climatic than the other fight. After all, Snow has no chance against a witch since Snow has never spent any time training with the sword-wielding knights in this film.

 

I'm pretty sure this is one of those cliches where the villain forces the hero (or in this case, the heroine) to watch her allies die painfully. This queen actually pulls it off, taunting Snow for her part in dragging her male allies to their deaths. Will this draw Snow into deep rage?

That wasn't enough. Ravenna doesn't kill Snow but allows her to swipe her sword repeatedly without taking a blow. This queen should be ruthless enough to kill Snow.

The queen is so vain that she stands in a fire but does not burn to death. You do remember that Snow White is your undoing. So why not just kill her already and end this unnecessary self-righteousness?

What am I looking at here? I just saw how she could regenerate after sustaining a sword slash and fire burns. Yet she wanes after being stabbed in the vitals.

What's the deal, Snow? Are you showing sympathy to her?

I like how the special effects illustrate the gradual decline on Ravenna's image. It looks very subtle to one who is watching.

Hey look. A flower is blooming after years of death and desolation. Ravenna's death brings the kingdom back to life.

However this scene does not satisfy me at all. This Snow White shows very little to no enthusiasm on receiving her title; she is not married to the prince William; the huntsman is just outside of the coronation even though the dwarfs are there. There is just no happy ending to this film, not a classical type at the least of it.

This movie is too long to understand. The sets are realistic, enhanced by computer effects. The fight scenes are breath-taking, but not with the main characters involved. The dwarfs are just more significant to the story than is the huntsman himself. I enjoyed seeing the parallels of the forests, dark and light. This movie is watchable because of the scenes and the dark take on a classic fairy tale, but is dull and miserable because of the actors involved. I really believe this movie could have done better if all these characters were more dynamic, but as we have seen they are unlikeable as a result. My own take on this film is that I would only watch it to review it, but not to enjoy every minute of it.